A Letter to Dean Smith
Updated: Feb 1, 2021
Dear Mr Smith,
I would like to start, if I may, by thanking you for bringing our club back to life. The way you have built a very good team not by buying superstars but by unearthing raw talent and moulding them into top class players. You joined us at our lowest and set us on the road to the top, it’s a journey I sincerely hope you get to complete.
There is, however, just one small matter I’d like to draw your attention to. Have you ever wondered why there are so many people in the dressing room at each match? Or why they all sit behind you during the game? Are you not curious as to why they go for a little jog occasionally? Or why the guy with the new set of juggling balls keeps waving a display board round with numbers on? Well let me explain.
Those guys behind you in the full kit are not just very fanatical supporter who like to get close to the action, they are actually spare players. Yes, that’s right, spare players. You can use them any time you like, all you have to do is ask them. I’m sure they would be more than happy to run around for a bit. In fact, I think they are really really hoping that you will ask them one day, I’m convinced they go for their little jogs just to keep warm, you know, just in case one of the other lads might like a rest (Although not Jack, Jack doesn’t like having a rest, it makes him cry).
If you do decide, one game, that you fancy letting one of them have ago, just shout to the off duty clown and he will come over with his display board. You tell him the number of the player you want to take off the pitch, it’s on the back of his shirt so it’s easy to see, and then tell him the number of the guy you want to put on. If your not sure what his number is just ask him, I’m sure he will know. The off duty clown will then put the two numbers onto his display board and hold it up. I know, I thought he was just running the raffle as well but no, he uses that board so that everyone knows what’s happening.
Ok, I’m going to get technical now, apologises for that but I do think it’s important you have all the information. When you swap a player like this it’s called a ‘substitution’ and the guys sat behind you, we call them ‘substitutes’. I know, clever isn’t it. The best bit, you can make a ‘substitution’ three time in a game, although some want to make it five but I’d be happy just to see one occasionally.
Anyway, I know you’re a busy man, you’ve got to earn a living and that’s hard to do when people keep fining you for asking if they got anything nice for Christmas, I’ve been very careful what I say in the office, people do get touchy about their presents.
Wishing you all the best for the rest of the season.
A. Villa Fan